Found Myself

As most of you know back in September I got into a relationship with a person that I can only describe as a narcissist. Started off very loving, sweet, wrapped in all the wonderful things I was looking for. Then started noticing red flags, things he was not honest about, blaming my insecurities on our issues and so on.

Of course, I had insecurities, because He brought those out in me. After 4 months we broke up. Honestly, I can say that was the best and worst relationship I was apart of in a long time. It taught me that leaning on any person besides God for happiness or security is a HUGE mistake. Also, I was not really in a good place myself, spiritually, that I needed to be in. It took about 5 minutes after that relationship to end that I realized I dodged a big bullet.

I began to heal, to turn my focus towards ME and what I needed to do to get to a better place. I began to really lean in hard with my relationship with God. To get into the word, to pray without ceasing, to listen and not speak. To realize for once in my life, my worth and value was from Him and not man.

He has taught me so much about who I am. Who He says I am. He gave me this tool to write and to express my feelings. He stood with me every second and wiped many tears from my face. I’m so thankful for what that horrible relationship taught me. I’m so grateful He ended it because He knew that was not the man I was supposed to be with.

I implore you to listen to Him. To seek Him with all your heart when you start to feel like someone is undervalueing you. To ask Him what to do. I promise you He will lead you to the place that you need to be.

Three months later and much prayer, I met the most amazing man. He is truly a gift from God. He’s honest, He treats me like a queen, He values who I am, He has every quality I was praying for in a man. I’m so blessed to have finally met a real man who is who He says he is and more. He’s a Christian and he looks at me with the most loving eyes, makes my heart melt.

So, I am here to tell you, that there are good men out there ladies. There are men out there who see the beauty in who you are and will do everything in their power to show you how special you are. I learned not to settle. It was a learning process because being alone can sometimes be very hard. Especially for someone like me, who believes in love. During this time before I met “J”, God also was teaching me how to truly be the woman/wife He made me to be. I pray one day I’ll get to be a better wife than I was my first go round. I’m learning and listening to the things God is showing and teaching me.

If you lay it all down, give Him the full authority over your life, trust Him and have the faith He asks us to have, you’ll be amazed at how much your life will change. I was on the cusp of being ready to change so much and He just gave me a little nudge to put my all into Him. That He would show me how amazing my life would be, if I just chose to surrender it to Him.

Thank you Father for healing my heart. For showing me how big of a God you are. For taking every tear I’ve cried in your beautiful scarred hands and for never leaving or forsaking me. You are a Good Father! ❤

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4 thoughts on “Found Myself

  1. Learning to lean, learn, love & know who you are, they are the first things that will make you see life and people in a new way. You learn what you will and will not stand for. You know what you want and will not settle for anything less. You also learn to like yourself, which to me is first and foremost. You cannot like anyone else, or love anyone else unless you love yourself or who you have become first. Terrible weights lift off your shoulders and you become…. love

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